Our brain is so constituted that it activates the reward system not only positive but also negative emotions. This is one reason why many of us are unable to cope with recurring unpleasant thoughts. But we can regroup, explains the positive psychologist Homayra Kabir.
Have you ever caught yourself that scrolls continuously in the head unpleasant, painful thoughts and are not willing to let them go? Maybe you happen to be in a whiner society, endlessly telling about some of their failure?
Hardly anyone of us consciously seeks to engage in self-flagellation. In us the nature of the inherent desire to become a better version of yourself. But, surprisingly, the brain is designed so that it activates the reward system, and negative emotions such as anxiety, shame or guilt. In the past, such a reaction is certainly encouraged us to get out of the cave and go hunting, not to be left without food, or to act according to the rules in order not to be rejected by his tribe. But in today's world, when our fears are generally not physical, but psychological, this evolutionary feature may do more harm than good.
Fortunately, we are not doomed to be victims of this situation, we are able to overcome it. And here is how you can do it step by step.
Tell your EMOTION
Ask yourself what you're feeling: anxiety, worry, sadness, frustration? Calling the emotion by giving it a name, we can help your brain to feel control over it, rather than be a slave to it.
I notice your thoughts
Following the emergence of emotions in our head is born a mental note about what is happening. These comments help us to comprehend the situation, as we are trying to connect what happened with what we already know about the world. Oddly enough, even if we assess the situation as painful for yourself, but it is consistent with our general ideas about themselves and the world, we experience both pleasant and unpleasant feelings.
For example, we think: "She refused to come because she does not like me." Thought can not be called happy. However, it is consistent with our belief that we are not worthy of love, and this coincidence leads to the release of dopamine in the blood of the hormone of joy.
Instead of letting your inner commentator to do what he wants, we have to confuse him by inventing a version in the sense opposite to that which he had imposed on us.
He says, "She does not like me" - and we are responsible for it: "She loves me." He says: "I hate my job" - our answer: "My work gives opportunities for growth." The meaning of this game to the opposition that we will not allow ourselves to fall into the trap of negative statements.
Try it HAT Detectives
Now the fun begins! Analyze this opposite statement - whether you can confirm it by some examples? Most likely, you will recall at least one example, even if very slight. Make it their support, even the thought of it warms and inspires you, let the value grow in your eyes.
Think of all the details: who you were then, they say, what you felt, what they were doing? The more you ponder this example, the stronger it is fixed in your long-term memory and quietly begins to change your gloomy view of the world.
Get your act
What will be your next move now, when you look at things more realistically? Is not it is time to finally stand up and take some constructive action that will move you forward rather than get stuck in place? Maybe call a friend? Brainstorm and see new possibilities in your work?
Remember, when you make decisions, you start to feel in control, and that is exactly what you want your brain, which is stuck on the endless chewing the same thoughts.