If you think that love must be earned, and you will take to heart the criticism of others, or neglect, it will be difficult to achieve success. Heavy emotions undermine confidence. Psychologist Aaron Karmin explains how to overcome these concerns.
If we ourselves do not like, it may seem that you need to "prove" their superiority over others, to ease inner pain. This is called overcompensation. The problem is that it does not work.
It seems to us that we must always prove something to others, until they realize that we are "good enough." The error in this case is that we take too seriously other people's accusations and criticism. So if trying to defend himself in an imaginary court, proving his innocence in an attempt to avoid punishment.
For example, someone tells you, "You never listen to me" or "You always blame it on me!". These "never" and "always" are often not in line with our actual experience. Often, we begin to defend itself against these false accusations. In his defense, we present a variety of evidence, "What do you mean - I never listen to you? You are requested to call the plumber, and I called. You can look in the telephone bill. "
Rarely has such a justification can change our interlocutor's point of view, they are usually nothing on impact. As a result, we feel that losing his "business" in the "Court," and feel worse than before.
In retaliation, we are starting to throw accusations. In fact, we are "good enough." Just not perfect. But to be perfect and is not required, although none of us did not directly say. How can we judge what kind of people "better" and what is "worse"? By what standards and criteria? Where we take the "middle man" as a reference to compare?
Money and high status can make our lives easier, but they do not make us "better" than others. In fact, the way (heavy or light) a person lives, says nothing about its superiority or inferiority in comparison with others. The ability not to retreat in the face of difficulties and move forward - this is the boldness and success, regardless of the final result.
It should not be Bill Gates 'better' of other people because of his wealth, just as it is impossible to consider the person who has lost a job and sitting on the dole, "worse" than others. Our value is not limited to how much we love and support, and it does not depend on our talents and achievements. Each of us from birth is valuable and worthy of love. We can never be more or less valuable. We can never be better or worse than others.
No matter what status we will, how much money and power get, we will never become "better". Similarly, no matter how little we appreciate and respect, we will never become "worse". Our successes and achievements do not make us more worthy of love, as well as our defeats, losses and failures do not make us less worthy of her.
We have always been, are and will be "good enough." If we accept their unconditional value and recognize that we are always worthy of love, we will not have to rely on the approval of others. Ideal people do not happen. Be a man - it means to be imperfect, which, in turn, means that we make mistakes, which later regret.
Regret is the desire to change something in the past. But it is impossible to change the past. We can live, regretting his imperfection. But imperfection is not a crime. And we are not criminals, deserving of punishment. We can replace guilt regret that not ideal, underlining our humanity.
It is impossible to prevent the manifestation of human imperfection. We all make mistakes. A key step on the path to self-acceptance - and recognize their strengths and weaknesses.