Five steps, how to recognize their desires
The desire to give life meaning and color, we do ourselves. Clinical psychologist Michelle Lezhuayo explored how best to identify and awaken our true desires. He came up with five exercises: running them, you will learn more about yourself and what you want it.
Cuschestvovanie, not life, celebration, held by. This is the formula that would express no desires. It is no coincidence psychoanalysis puts the desire in the center of our existence, in fact it transforms the impersonal life in a unique way. Freud believed that "man succeeds, the - is the one who manages to convert their fantasies into reality the desires."
According to Michel Lezhuayo, "the absence of a strong desire to make us vulnerable to existential emptiness and misunderstanding of themselves. That desire to give meaning to our lives. " But it is not always easy to define what makes us tremble with desire. That's why, to help us awaken him, the psychologist chosen detour. "Whim, caprice, aspiration Do not miss a single nuance - he explains. - By learning them, we rediscover our enthusiasm or support. " The idea is to bring out the good desires, those that correspond to our values and aspirations; which, if implemented, give meaning to our existence and reinforce our identity. With this purpose, psychologists suggest exercises to help ignite the fire in us.
I imagine that winning the lottery
The purpose
When we imagine that we have a fortune, it immediately gives us access to the sleeping or repressed desires, helping to realize that we have more desires than we think, and accept it.
"Winning the lottery - a good reason to release the hidden desires - believes Michel Lezhuayo - it allows us to look at their hopes and their expectations of the new look."
How to start
On a sheet of paper, write a row all that you would do if you were in this financial opportunities. Then underline the different colors of material desires and intangible desires and needs (time, relationships, occupation).
Then identify the most urgent, the most important for you desire. Discarding those that depend directly on the well-being of your (own home, thoroughbred horse), decipher the desire to express to you the fundamental needs: for example, to allocate more time for yourself, get rid of the daily routine, to surrender to the vocation, free from obligations or relationships.
Then think about how to implement them in everyday life gradually, starting with your basic, the most important needs.
Finally, re-read your notes and try to determine what the dominant unconscious desire expressed in them: to protect the desire (to hide in the shelter, feel safe), the desire to escape (escape from serious relationship or boring way of life), the desire to take revenge (in a personal or social level). Our main desire shows us that for which we can work from the inside, regardless of whether we are rich or not.
I studied, what books and films I have
The purpose
Re-acquainted with himself, to find or re-awaken the hidden desires. Each collection of books or movies - is a way to keep their desires, memories and plans for the future.
Our library and video library, tells us. Our books and our films can also allow us to regain their desires and aspirations. "All they talk about one thing: the classroom, the ideals and the personal qualities that we can not stop to think," - says Michel Lezhuayo. What are you?
How to start
Like a detective, examine its film library or library. Find Duplicate or dominant themes: the imaginary world (science fiction, poetry), travel, action-packed thrillers, love, psychology, philosophy, spirituality
Ask a question. What books or authors (movies or directors) bring you pleasure among those that make up your main theme? Why? What do they bring you? How do you use (or not) this interest in your life?
Answer these questions, it will allow you to draw a map of your desires, personal aspirations, to better define your motivation.
To begin meditation, Michel Lezhuayo made a small dictionary for the meanings of your books.
"Each category represents one of the possible facets of our" I "- he says.
Scientific and /or historical books: utilitarian approach to the time constraints in order to simply enjoy life?
Books on medicine and healthy lifestyles: a tendency to hypochondria and anxiety?
Classical Literature: nostalgia for the past, fear of going to the beaten paths and to assert their own desires?
Horror Books: the need to put you at ease?
Books travel: the need to escape from the routine?
Books that you have read and hardly look at: the fear of getting rid of unnecessary or difficulties in the perception of the written word?
Books about love: the tendency to idealize love relationship or the desire to alleviate their frustration?
Action thrillers: the need for strong emotions and the search for justice?
Books on philosophy: the need to find meaning in life? Excessive punditry?
Spiritual literature: the fear of being abandoned? Fear of death? Looking for something more than the surrounding reality?
Books on psychology: to understand their story or to try to avoid psychotherapy?
Erotic books: the need to break the taboo?
Of course, you can apply these interpretations, and your video library.
I give YOURSELF GIFT
The purpose
Learn how to implement a personal desire, not considering himself an egoist. Ironically, to make a gift is not easy. it is often done after excuse, and even an apology, it is reported in a humorous or provocative tone, but much less often perceive it calmly and with pleasure. According to Michel Lezhuayo, a gift that we do to ourselves, "always has the value of a call, which we throw both themselves and others. It strengthens self-esteem, if it is well chosen and, more importantly, allows you to finally say, including myself, what we really want. "
How to start
Slowly Think about the gift that you yourself do.
Recommendations for your purchase.
Let it will be adequate to your means, do not evaluate themselves too cheap. Do not be guided by considerations of reasonableness or good. Let no one interfere in your choice. Do yourself a gift, try to unravel the special meaning that it has for you. What he is, in your opinion, if you treat it as a symbol of the ideal, the desire, the need?
I practice the method "For example»
The purpose
Go on an indefinite, vague desire to desire that can be satisfied.
And thus regain the ability to move on the path of self-realization.
"Encountering a man or a woman, who complain that they can not express their wishes, I use the magic formula Sandor Ferenczi, the most brilliant and most controversial Freud's disciple. He claimed that all work on the pulse lies in one word: "eg", - says Michel Lezhuayo. With these words it is impossible to remain a prisoner of ambiguities and generalities fog desires.
Enter into dialogue with them:
"I would like my life to be more interesting.
- In what areas, for example?
- At work.
- What do you see more interesting work, for example for you?
- This is a job in which I would be more creative, more independent
- What, for example? "- And so on.
When the desire obstinately knocking on our door and we do not know how to catch, equipment "such as" helps us to clear the area, forcing us to be more specific.
I refuse unfulfilled desire
The purpose
Impossible desires literally absorb our energy and our time, and even blind us workable desires, which could give more meaning and joy of our lives. "In psychology abandon unattainable ideal - means to move away from thinking on the principle of" all or nothing ", - says Michel Lezhuayo. - Impossible desires - it is the best way to achieve anything and leave his life in a state of stagnation. " In his opinion, the most effective way to give them - turn them into "good wishes".
How to start
Good desire has three characteristics which we illustrate here the example of the desire "I want to become a volunteer."
It is aimed at a specific action ( "I want to take the time to work in the dining room for the homeless».)
It is consistent with our everyday reality ( "For this I have so many hours in a week».)
It is doable ( "I have to do the skills and personal abilities».)
Finally, to understand the jungle of our desires, Michelle Lezhuayo invites us to paint them in different colors.
Green desire: important but routine. They can postpone or cancel, and can be waived without difficulty (the consumption of certain foods, buy the goods of daily demand).
Orange desire: desire, more intense emotions, more personal, they tend to focus on the use of our own time and its distribution (leisure, vacation, time for yourself, and so on), the fact that we want to do. From them, we refuse only in exceptional cases, because we can not do otherwise.
Red desires: they are essential for our physical and mental well-being, can not be "traded" them or to give them (the desire to respect those around you, the desire to be in the physical security ).