You are friendly, trusting, flexible, willing to devote much time to other people's problems. And that is why you attract detractors. Coach Anne Davies explains how to build barriers in the difficult relations and defend their point of view.
Are you surprised that you're surrounded by "toxic" people? They cause pain, you forgive them again and hope that this will not happen again, but again they hurt your feelings, and you have no idea how to get out of this situation. You were at the mercy of these relationships because of your best qualities.
"I do not call to suppress the desire to help someone you know, if they can not repay the same. I'll try to teach you to resist the "toxic" people, "says Anne Davis.
You attract them for the following reasons.
1. YOU unselfishly spend their time on other
Generosity and unselfishness - wonderful qualities, but "toxic" people are attracted to the kindness and generosity. Having taken hold of your attention, they will ask for more, you have to respond to every request, message, SMS, email, call. The more time you spend on them, the more frustrated and angry squeezed themselves feel. Determine your own needs and feelings, gradually Marshall borders and answer "no" to a request, the fulfillment of which makes you feel uncomfortable.
The more you force, the more you can do, including helping others
Marshall border difficult: it seems to us something selfish. Remember the instructions for emergencies during flight: you must wear a mask, and only then to help others, even their own children. The conclusion is simple: it is impossible to save others in need of assistance. The more you force, the more you can do, including help many people, not just the detractors and the energy vampires.
2. YOU gullible and honest in dreams
If you have a dream, then most likely, you will attract detractors. Those who refused lost dreams and purpose in life. If you share with them ideas that they think you are out of touch with reality and idealistic, perhaps even selfish. Fear - their ally, they will try to thwart your dreams. The more you strive to achieve the goal, the more aggressive they will attack.
Do not share your designs with people who have demonstrated their "toxicity". Be alert, be careful not to fall into the trap of their questions. Surround yourself with those who have a goal, who are actively working on the implementation of the dream. Such people will support initiatives and give confidence.
3. YOU SEE PEOPLE BETTER
Usually we assume that others are kind. But sometimes confronted with the dark side of human nature that causes our confidence shaken. You find it hard to accept that others may be greedy or to betray? You were in a relationship with a narcissist, hoping that this person will change? "I used to think of" toxic "people part of my life and I thought that I need to adapt to them and accept them with all faults. Now I know that's not true, "- said the expert.
Trust your instincts: it will tell you where you are in danger. Do not suppress emotions. At first it may be difficult: your intuitive impression from others will cause you anxiety and irritation. Trust yourself. Let intuition protect you from emotional pain that accompanies the "toxic" relationship.
4. YOU flexible
You say that everything is fine, when not you think? Remain calm and patient in stressful situations, trying to lighten the atmosphere with jokes? Your peace of mind attracts those who want to break it, having acquired control over you.
"I realized that love for children has made me an easy target. For example, I once told a friend: "I can sit with your children, when you want" - and it is in its understanding became "every day", no matter how busy I am. My friend used my responsiveness to their advantage, "- said the expert.
Try not to give immediate answers to requests, take a break, promised to think. So you can avoid the pressure. Later you will be able to agree, and say, "Sorry, but I can not."
Do not let the "toxic" people to dictate terms, remember about your goals. Continue to be kind and generous, but gradually learn to identify enemies and to say goodbye to them.